I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
