fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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