Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
