I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
