dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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