how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
