I smell stomach acid.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
