He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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