I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
