dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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