I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
