Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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