Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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