positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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