420 ftw
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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