Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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