Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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