John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
