My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
