dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
