I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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