In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
