I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
