Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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