Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
