I am puke
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
