Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
