just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
