Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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