yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
