I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
