Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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