everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
