I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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