Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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