Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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