yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
