you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
