I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
