I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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