addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
