I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
