im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
