I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
