God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
