I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
