If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
