She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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