If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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