Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
