Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
