I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
