we have officially lost it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
