I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Couch. On fire.
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