I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
