Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
