Your tits are I can't wait for
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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