I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
