that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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