Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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