threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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