Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
