just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
