Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
