I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
