How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've blown a few things in my day
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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