My sheets look like a crime scene.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize