on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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