Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
