I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
