no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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