my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
