I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
