I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
