I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
