So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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