I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
