It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
