Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
