College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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