WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have aggressive nipples.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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