We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
