Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
