I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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