She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
