I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
