I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
