I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
