Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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