Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
sex in a hospital.. check
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
