i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish I only lived at night.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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