How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dick very happy bro
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
