i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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